So you finally took the leap and tied the knot with the girl of your dreams, had a marvelous honeymoon and are ready to start your new life together. Now what? To be sure, married life is completely different from dating someone, and even if you lived together before, you still have to make a few adjustments in terms of how you relate to each other as a married couple. Here are some tips for young husbands on how to keep the ol’ lady happy, because as they say, ‘a happy wife leads to a happy life’.
While you may have been communicating well with your wife before the wedding, you’ll find that it’s even more important now that you’re married to maintain that strong communication bond, and this will require a lot of work from both parties because you’re going to face new challenges that you’ve never come across before which are a part of married life.
It’s also important to be honest and open in voicing your feelings when faced with a difficult situation in your relationship. Don’t bottle things up inside, and no matter how seemingly small, be brave enough to bring up your issues even though it may be difficult to talk about them. Just be sure to think ahead before you speak, so that you’re able to formulate and use words that are considerate to your wife’s feelings.
Always be a gentleman when communicating with your wife, and don’t forget to say please and thank you. Avoid using ultimatums and threats in your communication as well, as that never leads to a good ending.
Don’t resent your situation
It’s common for some men to get cold feet even before the wedding, as it dawns on them that they’ll have to give up the lifestyle of freedom that they had before. Once you’re married, this may translate into resentment at having the freedoms you previously enjoyed taken away from you. For example, you might find it difficult to adjust to the fact that you have to report to your wife when going out with friends and that she’ll be there waiting for you when you get back. The best way to dispel any resentment you might feel in a situation like this is to put yourself in your wife’s shoes. How would you feel if she were out all night? Would you not feel compelled to check up on her to make sure that she’s okay? And of course you’d look forward to seeing her come home as well, because you are newlyweds after all.
Discuss your long-term plans
Share your future plans with your wife, and discuss things like where you’d like to live in 10, 20 or 30 years, what type of work you’d like to be doing or what kind of impact you want to make in the world, as well as the importance of family in your life. Share your desires and goals with your wife freely.
Have you discussed how many kids you would like to have with your wife yet? If the last time you had this conversation is before you got married, then it’s a good idea for you to revisit the topic so that you can reach a mutual understanding on what the right time will be for both of you. Who knows, your wife may have changed her mind about a few things since you last spoke about the subject, and if you’re still on the same page about having kids, then it’s best to discuss when and how many you’d like to have so that you don’t make any incorrect assumptions on the issue. Making mutual decisions is important to building a solid marital relationship with your partner.
Work on building a good relationship with your in-laws
Since you’re now married, you’ll probably be spending a considerable amount of time with your wife’s parents, sharing family holidays and important milestone events with them. Try and get to know them as people, and even if you don’t see eye-to-eye with them on certain situations, it’s important to communicate and try to understand each other, because your relationship with your wife will be better for it.
So, invite them for dinner or offer to take them out-one at a time- in order to cultivate a relationship with them now that you’re part of the family. Most importantly try to treat your wife’s family the same way you would treat your own family, and make an effort to include them in important family gatherings. This will mean the world to your wife, and can do wonders for your relationship.
When difficult situations or disagreements arise, be willing to compromise. Keep in mind that you won’t always be right, and for most men this is difficult to admit due to ego. Truth is, you will sometimes miss the mark, and being able to admit that you’re wrong sometimes will help to keep the peace in your relationship in the long run.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep
Be mindful of the type of promises you make to your wife, no matter how small. You see, it’s easy to make promises when you’re young and in love and still in the honeymoon bubble, but keep in mind that unfulfilled promises can lead to feelings of frustration and anger, and may even affect the trust that your wife has for you. So, always be a man of your word and only make promises that you know you’ll be able to keep so that you don’t disappoint your wife unnecessarily.
If you earn more than your spouse does, or have a more satisfying career than she does, don’t use that to make her feel inferior to you in any way. Instead, support her relentlessly, lift her up when she’s down, motivate her to better her situation and never, ever criticize her in any way. However, if you have to give constructive criticism, try and do it in the gentlest way possible.
Don’t neglect her
Don’t be so enamored with work that you neglect to pay attention to your wife. While making a living and having a career that you can be proud of is important, you should strike a balance between your personal life and work life so that you have enough time to invest in both areas of your life. Just because you’re married now doesn’t mean that you should stop paying attention to your wife like you did when you were still dating.
Here are some extra tips on how to cultivate a good relationship with your wife after marriage:
- Never go to bed angry.
- If you make a mistake, admit it, apologize and don’t repeat it.
- Compliment her daily.
- Never raise your voice at your wife.
- If you two reach an impasse, rather let your wife ‘win’ the fight instead of having a stalemate.